People's Best "Fake Sick" Advice

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mattstaff
Feb 17, 2020 5:00 PM EST

Never know when you might wake up and just not have it in you to tackle the day. Maybe you're emotionally spent, and in dire need of a day to regenerate health across all fronts. Maybe that one sick day is the world of difference you need to get back on the work grind with necessary energy. If that sounds like it could be the case for you, or even might be in the future, these bits of "fake sick advice" could come in handy. 

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  • 01
    Text - berks99 • 1d If you hang your head off of your bed upside down you will sound very congested!
    via r/AskReddit
  • 02
    Text - Hudsons_Heroes • 1d Hey boss, I won't be in today. Not feeling too well. Hope you feel better! What's wrong? Got it coming out of both ends. ..Oh.
    via r/AskReddit
  • 03
    Text - MaiqTheLawyer • ld Don't bother with a lot of explanation. I know my employees are faking when they spend a bunch of time on backstory and details.
    via r/AskReddit
  • 04
    Text - penny_can • 1d I once called in and said "I can't make it today, I have eye trouble" "Really? What's wrong?" "I just can't see me coming to work today" " Okay, that's actually funny, but it will only work this one time, see you tomorrow"
    via r/AskReddit
  • 05
    Text - anxious-couchpotato • 1d When I was about 11, I didn't want to go to school cause I knew that there would be a test the next day. So I pretended that I feel sick the night before, and the nex morning set the alarm before my mom woke up. I put my hands close to the heat, then to my forehead, and when she checked on me, I said I think I have fever. She let me stay home for that day. The next day I went to school and found out that the day of the test had been moved to today from my "sick-da
    via r/AskReddit
  • 06
    Text - dontwannabethisway25 • 1d When I first start jobs, I set up a preexisting condition of migraines. I really do get stress headaches somewhat often, so I just complain a little when I get them so my boss knows it's a thing, then when I need to take a day off I say I have a migraine. T rarely get sick so I typically default to having "one of my migraines." I also don't call off often so that helps, too.
    via r/AskReddit
  • 07
    Text - string97bean • ld You have to set it up the day before...say you aren't feeling great a little before you leave. Also, if you can come in for just an hour or two and then say you tried but just can't do it that looks really good.
    via r/AskReddit
  • 08
    Text - MassStrikeNow • 1d Thermometer on the light bulb - worked on my mom and all manor of school nurses my whole childhood.
    via r/AskReddit
  • 09
    Text - EIBomberoLoco • ld Don't over-sell it. Just call in, say you're ill and won't be coming in. Don't come up with an elaborate story. Don't offer superfluous details. Don't use the "sick voice". Nothing is more suspicious than irrelevant details/embellishments.
    via r/AskReddit
  • 10
    Text - bonbi_ • 1d Don't fake sick often, because it will become obvious you're faking it and then no one will believe you when you're actually sick
    via r/AskReddit
  • 11
    Text - fourtaco • 1d As someone who dealt with scheduling and lateness/not coming in at all l've got you covered. The day before, or even two in advance start coughing. Just a bit. Make it more substantial as the day goes on. When a supervisor asks if you're sick just poopoo them and say you're fine. Drink tea not coffee and make it strong so people ask about how you are feeling. And here's the last part: stay the whole day. Work 9-5? Leave at five but while saying goodbye with a bigger, longer
    via r/AskReddit
  • 12
    Text - stealthxstar • ld for work, unless you need a dr note at your job, just text your boss you feel like shit and you're using a sick day
    via r/AskReddit
  • 13
    Text - therealcraxmoke • 1d Just something gross, short and quick. And when you get back to work again tell a story that is a little emberassing, like you puked on you carpet cause you couldn't hold it, and they will believe you
    via r/AskReddit
  • 14
    Text - DeificClusterfuck • 22h KISS Keep it simple, stupid. Just enough detail for veracity, preferably with a personally embarrassing tidbit (diarrhea is a good one)
    via r/AskReddit
  • 15
    Text - thsuk • 1d "Brain fuzz". With that I mean slouch, blink slower, take longer to react than normal when someone talks to you, yawn a lot. If you can, try a slight rasp in your voice, but don't over do it.
    via r/AskReddit
  • 16
    Text - Yellowtemple • 1ld Migraine! Only lasts a day or two, no outward symptoms to fake.
    via r/AskReddit
  • 17
    Text - Hoorayforkatel28 • ld No one questions pinkeye or...ahem..a stomach issue.
    via r/AskReddit
  • 18
    Text - kw4qj • 1d Don't make the illness too dramatic. The other thing is that you shouldn't do it too often. I was able to blow off some first period class is my senior year of high school from time to time because I was not known for checking out sick on a regular basis or anything. I saved those cards for when I really needed or wanted them. When calling in sick to work don't make your excuse too overly detailed. Stomach bugs are great because nobody wants those. I know for myself that if som
    via r/AskReddit
  • 19
    Text - DirectGoose • ld When I had a male boss I could just say 'cramps' and there would be no further questions. Now I say migraine.
    via r/AskReddit

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